Donnie McClurkin was mentioned in a conversation I had this weekend with a couple of friends. I was reminded of his heart felt plea at the Holy Convocation for COGIC, to gay youth, to be delivered from homosexuality. It was a plea that was both theatrical and predictable. I have said it before, I don’t know what kind of prizes they are giving away in heaven for the most souls saved, but muthafuckas are getting their hustle on.
It is clear McClurkin still struggles with his sexuality. His rants and raves and stories about being an ex-homosexual, I’m sure to his disappointment, illustrates the fiction of being an ex-homosexual. But Donnie’s truth is his own, and he is entitled to that. I don’t believe you can be delivered from homosexuality, but that is because I don’t see it as being wrong in the first place, and that is my truth.
We are all discovering who we are, and I think it is unreasonable and unfair to scorn people for not choosing a path we feel is better suited for them. As we all experience, we collect different beliefs, ideologies and behaviors. If we find happiness and peace through those experiences, we almost always want to share those experiences with other people, in the hopes that they too can achieve the level of happiness we are experiencing. It really can be a beautiful thing, and illustrates the oneness of the universe.
The troubling down side to sharing beliefs is our inability to be objective. It is equally troubling to know that many of us have a hard time finding the freedom to discover ourselves and create our own truths. There is always an unfortunate tendency to attach ourselves to people who do a lot of grandstanding about who they are and what they believe. But people are not infallible, and we have to stop treating people as if they are. Just because “pastor” said it, doesn’t make it right, or your truth. Just because Uncle Johnny, the public politician, the well respected professor, or even highly regarded spiritual leader, says something, it DOES NOT invalidate who you are or your path.
People will try to beat you over the head with what they know and what they feel you should know. It is probably best to use caution with anyone who will shove their truth down your throat. I am finding that forceful methodology is always an indication of deflection.
I’m highly skeptical of people who tell you how to live when their life does not seem peaceful or happy. The saying, “Do as I say, not as do” becomes baseline theory for many, but it makes absolutely no sense. Sure, we are all experiencing life and discovering ourselves, and even with great intent we fail at achieving objectives, but knowing that should make us more humble. Humility is such an art, and I believe it captures more attention than we could imagine.
We have to use our best judgment when interacting with each other. I am not suggesting that people be written off completely if they don’t believe as we do. We all possess something of value to one another, and if we are open and objective, we will take those things which are positive and beneficial on our path, and leave the rest.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Moving On: For The "Experienced" Dater
You can't measure emotional maturity by the number of relationships you've been in. It's true, you can't. I've been told by some of the women I have dated, that they know how relationships work, because they have been in several. It is their experience, they proclaim that has made them wise. If you leave one experience and venture into another less wise or not wise at all, then your experiences don't speak to your wisdom about relationships.
All relationships are different. Different people require different things. You may know, perhaps, logistically how monogamous relationships work, but if you enter into a union with someone with stale relationship templates and an apprehensive agenda, expect your house of cards to fall flatly to the ground.
Every new relationship deserves a set of new eyes, even second chances deserve a clean slate. If you're not willing to offer someone a clean slate, if you insist on holding on to your past experiences with other people as expectations and rules for new people, then it's probably not the best idea to be exploratory with other people.
We should not nail new lovers to the cross to die for the sins of past loves and heart breaks. It is not fair or healthy to dust off the residue of your broken heart into the laps of someone else. People are not obligated to live up to the bogus standards we create with fractured egos or lost loves. Just because someone cheats on you, doesn't mean that the next person will. Just because someone hurt you, doesn't mean the next person will. The possibility is there, sure, but the possibility for a healthy relationship is also there, and we have to stop falling on the side of the fence that does not speak to what we want in relationships.
All relationships are different. Different people require different things. You may know, perhaps, logistically how monogamous relationships work, but if you enter into a union with someone with stale relationship templates and an apprehensive agenda, expect your house of cards to fall flatly to the ground.
Every new relationship deserves a set of new eyes, even second chances deserve a clean slate. If you're not willing to offer someone a clean slate, if you insist on holding on to your past experiences with other people as expectations and rules for new people, then it's probably not the best idea to be exploratory with other people.
We should not nail new lovers to the cross to die for the sins of past loves and heart breaks. It is not fair or healthy to dust off the residue of your broken heart into the laps of someone else. People are not obligated to live up to the bogus standards we create with fractured egos or lost loves. Just because someone cheats on you, doesn't mean that the next person will. Just because someone hurt you, doesn't mean the next person will. The possibility is there, sure, but the possibility for a healthy relationship is also there, and we have to stop falling on the side of the fence that does not speak to what we want in relationships.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Dehumanizing God
A lot of what we know about god, most of us have taken from books, whether it be the bible, a multitude of other “holy” books or stories we have read from other literary sources.
I was raised to believe god was jealous, that he created challenges for me to prove my love and devotion to him. I believed in the devil, and that I should not engage in activities that would lead me on a path to hell; that list of activities was long. I was given what I was to believe, and although growing up, there were plenty of internal reservations about the validity of my beliefs, I reverenced them and they became the foundation for how I was to conduct myself.
It wasn’t until I went away to college, almost into my senior year, that I began to question those things that did not make logical sense to me. When I first went off to college, I still very much carried my beliefs about god securely with me. I went to church on Sundays with a friend of mine, and some weeks even attended bible study. My goal: heaven. It was during that time that I also decided to address my sexuality head on. I opened my heart and head to all of the good and bad feelings my internal investigation would allow for. I weighed feelings, thoughts and behaviors, contrasting them with my beliefs, and THAT is when I finally began to ask questions about god.
One of the greatest issues I began to have with the religion I continued to choose for the maintenance of my spirituality, was how humanized god was. I always pictured an onerous god, which conflicted greatly with the joyful and peaceful savior I was to believe existed. I pictured being killed by a god that claimed to love me. God's love was conditional. God was a male entity who resided somewhere in the clouds, judging my every move, and even sending others to judge them in his name. I was raised to believe that my good deeds were not enough to get into heaven, that I also had to believe in Jesus, believe he died for my sins and praise him in the process. Most of all, I realize that the basis of my religious faith was not built around how much god loved me, but how badly I did not want to go hell. I feared god, and I feared hell; his love for me was really the last thing on my mind.
As I came into myself (as I still am), I asked myself, If we are made in god's image, then how can who I am be wrong? If I am made in gods image, god should look like me, feel like me and be the very essence of who I am. God should in part be a black, gay woman. God should be in part be a white, male republican. If we are made in god's image, then the very essence of who we are should be the very essence of who god is, even those things we have deemed as bad. The game of free will became so ridiculous to me. I was free to experience anything that my heart desired, but god would take specific experiences label them as “bad,” and if I refuse to repent from these experiences, he'd send me to hell. Why? God was vengeful, in need of our praise and consideration, but I began to think to myself, that god sounded much like an egotistical cry baby in need of attention—like a lot of humans.
I suppose the god we have created is so judgmental, because we are, or perhaps god created us to be so judgmental, because he/she/it is. I am learning that both statements are probably true. God is everything and everywhere. God is all of those things we consider bad or good. God is you and god is me. One thing I have learned is, god is not static. I don't believe there are a set of laws created by god that we have to follow to get into “heaven.” We can all have heaven right now, if we choose to.
I am convinced that it is our own judgment towards ourselves, not god's that is impeding our progress and censoring our desire for unity and peace. If we stepped back and took a good look at the world around us, not just those people in our immediate space, but globally, reflect on our history, it should make us all consider ourselves and our perceptions of god. We are willing to fight in battles in god's name that he/she/it did not order. It is easier to conduct ourselves vengefully and distastefully in the name of god, than to reveal that it is really in our name, in the name of our egos and hearts. We seek to punish each other over disagreements, not god. God has been our excuse to act evil, and not the reason for us to love each other, most of the time. Every version of god is the same exact version, whether we choose to accept this or not.
How you get to god or receive god really is of no importance to me. I just think god needs to greatly be dehumanized and we need to start being honest about what god's will is, and what our will is. I've sat through many sermons in my lifetime, and I think there is more of an inclination to preach, teach and show a god of judgment, a god of dissatisfaction for our experiences, rather than a god of love and peace. It is more than time to redirect our energy about god, and about how we see god. We are in a position globally, where we can use some peace and some love for each other, despite our differences. It would be beneficial, I think, to delve into ourselves and connect with the portion of god that exemplifies those experiences which we want, rather than accept a god who would ordain situations tortuous to our spiritual and physical existence. In the end, the choice will be ours to make.
I was raised to believe god was jealous, that he created challenges for me to prove my love and devotion to him. I believed in the devil, and that I should not engage in activities that would lead me on a path to hell; that list of activities was long. I was given what I was to believe, and although growing up, there were plenty of internal reservations about the validity of my beliefs, I reverenced them and they became the foundation for how I was to conduct myself.
It wasn’t until I went away to college, almost into my senior year, that I began to question those things that did not make logical sense to me. When I first went off to college, I still very much carried my beliefs about god securely with me. I went to church on Sundays with a friend of mine, and some weeks even attended bible study. My goal: heaven. It was during that time that I also decided to address my sexuality head on. I opened my heart and head to all of the good and bad feelings my internal investigation would allow for. I weighed feelings, thoughts and behaviors, contrasting them with my beliefs, and THAT is when I finally began to ask questions about god.
One of the greatest issues I began to have with the religion I continued to choose for the maintenance of my spirituality, was how humanized god was. I always pictured an onerous god, which conflicted greatly with the joyful and peaceful savior I was to believe existed. I pictured being killed by a god that claimed to love me. God's love was conditional. God was a male entity who resided somewhere in the clouds, judging my every move, and even sending others to judge them in his name. I was raised to believe that my good deeds were not enough to get into heaven, that I also had to believe in Jesus, believe he died for my sins and praise him in the process. Most of all, I realize that the basis of my religious faith was not built around how much god loved me, but how badly I did not want to go hell. I feared god, and I feared hell; his love for me was really the last thing on my mind.
As I came into myself (as I still am), I asked myself, If we are made in god's image, then how can who I am be wrong? If I am made in gods image, god should look like me, feel like me and be the very essence of who I am. God should in part be a black, gay woman. God should be in part be a white, male republican. If we are made in god's image, then the very essence of who we are should be the very essence of who god is, even those things we have deemed as bad. The game of free will became so ridiculous to me. I was free to experience anything that my heart desired, but god would take specific experiences label them as “bad,” and if I refuse to repent from these experiences, he'd send me to hell. Why? God was vengeful, in need of our praise and consideration, but I began to think to myself, that god sounded much like an egotistical cry baby in need of attention—like a lot of humans.
I suppose the god we have created is so judgmental, because we are, or perhaps god created us to be so judgmental, because he/she/it is. I am learning that both statements are probably true. God is everything and everywhere. God is all of those things we consider bad or good. God is you and god is me. One thing I have learned is, god is not static. I don't believe there are a set of laws created by god that we have to follow to get into “heaven.” We can all have heaven right now, if we choose to.
I am convinced that it is our own judgment towards ourselves, not god's that is impeding our progress and censoring our desire for unity and peace. If we stepped back and took a good look at the world around us, not just those people in our immediate space, but globally, reflect on our history, it should make us all consider ourselves and our perceptions of god. We are willing to fight in battles in god's name that he/she/it did not order. It is easier to conduct ourselves vengefully and distastefully in the name of god, than to reveal that it is really in our name, in the name of our egos and hearts. We seek to punish each other over disagreements, not god. God has been our excuse to act evil, and not the reason for us to love each other, most of the time. Every version of god is the same exact version, whether we choose to accept this or not.
How you get to god or receive god really is of no importance to me. I just think god needs to greatly be dehumanized and we need to start being honest about what god's will is, and what our will is. I've sat through many sermons in my lifetime, and I think there is more of an inclination to preach, teach and show a god of judgment, a god of dissatisfaction for our experiences, rather than a god of love and peace. It is more than time to redirect our energy about god, and about how we see god. We are in a position globally, where we can use some peace and some love for each other, despite our differences. It would be beneficial, I think, to delve into ourselves and connect with the portion of god that exemplifies those experiences which we want, rather than accept a god who would ordain situations tortuous to our spiritual and physical existence. In the end, the choice will be ours to make.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Capes
capes do wear thin.
when spinning through hail storms
they lose their power
and finesse.
They fall off your shoulders
all too soon
holes and snags
The skin of the organic
the powerless
exposed and open.
These capes
patchworked
mismatched and misrepresented--
are adorned by the reality of our fiction.
we can’t save them all.
these seams burst too easily.
The fashion of saving is a fad.
it’s outdated
and does not go well with our shoes
C.L. Jones
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Hard Knocks
When she was young
the earth move with magic.
The universe was one color
in solid form, sturdy and secure.
When earth finally opened her gut
with restlessness and wonder.
It swallowed little girls
whole, with no apologies.
C.L. Jones
the earth move with magic.
The universe was one color
in solid form, sturdy and secure.
When earth finally opened her gut
with restlessness and wonder.
It swallowed little girls
whole, with no apologies.
C.L. Jones
Friday, January 15, 2010
Mirrors
We fight for recognition
we’ll take our crowns polished.
we’ve earned much of it
so we believe.
We’re naive.
fighting
god.
god makes us vulnerable.
mischief makes us less weak.
less available
more protective.
we’re precious
confused
still.
fighting is always easy
when enemies are blind
weaponless and scared
behind mirrors
reflections
are deep
truth.
CL. Jones
we’ll take our crowns polished.
we’ve earned much of it
so we believe.
We’re naive.
fighting
god.
god makes us vulnerable.
mischief makes us less weak.
less available
more protective.
we’re precious
confused
still.
fighting is always easy
when enemies are blind
weaponless and scared
behind mirrors
reflections
are deep
truth.
CL. Jones
Saturday, January 9, 2010
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