Coming Out--Again.

I came out last week at work. It wasn’t obtrusive or dramatic.  It was really unintentional.  I forget that I’m gay sometimes until some people remind me, and then I start to believe I am special and should have a handicap parking space or somethin’.   It’s politically incorrect to make assumptions about sexual orientation based on aesthetic detail, but most of us feel securely justified making those deductions, and “gaydar” aside, sometimes we’re right.

I turned down an opportunity to work for another law firm while waiting to hear back from BS.  Although my pockets were thin, I decided against my better judgment to wait.  I did my research on BS and in comparison to other firms I have interviewed with and worked for, their culture seemed very liberal and evolved—from the looks of it.  Their EEO statement was pretty ambitious to me, because it not only included sexual orientation, but it also included gender identity and expression.  I am not privy to these distinctions at any other company, and of course being masculine identified, it was a refreshing detail.

I opted to fill out that, sometimes confusing, demographic questionnaire that companies will offer you when you apply for a job online or after you have been hired.  There were two questions: What is your race?  What is your sexual orientation? I answered it—black lesbian.  I wondered, after making my selections if this would affect my experience at BS, and in what way.  It was a fleeting thought.  The next day, when benefits were explained to me, she emphasized that domestic partnership benefits were offered and extended to children of domestic partners.  Fucking awesome.

At this point all of my closet doors are locked, and there will be no attempts made to step back in there.  Any attempts of trying to “pass” or live my life in the closet is as about as possible as trying to hide a ship behind a tree—a baby tree.  Coming out of the closet unfortunately is not a one-time event and a lot of times, although it is a personal relief, you do it every time you create new experiences with new people.  When you start a new job, do you put that picture of you and your “partner?”  Do you even say “my partner” to avoid potential confrontation for saying “my girlfriend,” and the uncomfortable reaction you may get?

Yes, perhaps we are moving towards a more open, liberal society and world, but there are people who are still uncomfortable with sexual orientation outside of heterosexuality.  People don’t have to accept who you are, and there are still plenty of people in the world who are not afraid to let you know.