In an act of defiance, I went out last night. I've been in a very safe and isolated space for months. It was probably not the best night to go out, either. I'm moving today, and anyone who knows me, understands that my bedtime is between 9-10 30p—good luck catching me awake after that. My body is still readjusting from the 6a-2 schedule I've been on for five years.
As I finished a cup of ginger ale I picked up from the bar, an attractive(?) female sat next to me. I keep telling myself, despite my desire for some companionship, I'm not really in a space where I have the capacity to entertain even the most trivial and low-key dynamic with a woman, so I have been good at focusing on other things, but I still look and sometimes imagine where I'd take any woman on a date. Sitting there, I took myself through the motions:
"Should I say something?"
"What am I gonna say?"
"It's madd dark in here, so what if she is ugly?"
"Does she have all of her teeth?
"I mean, she has a nice body."
"I like her tattoos."
"Wait, her voice maybe too deep…"
"She's too young."
"She has too many kids."
"Wait, does she have kids?"
"Those could be her nephews."
"But why is she texting about his inhaler."
"Wait, did I just read the text message she just typed."
"No, No, she's ugly."
"Her leg is touching mine."
"We're sitting that close?"
"Wait, is that her girlfriend or her girl friend?"
"She doesn't have all of her teeth and she is unattractive."
I'm thinking I probably should have stayed in.